I just got a letter, I just got a letter....
okay, not JUST. It was probably a month ago, maybe more. I just cleaned out a gigantic stack of mail, most of which arrived while I was in London. The letter is a form letter, but still, it's a letter. From his honor Bill Frist. And get this? He wants ME to send him some money. And some opinions. He even included a handy dandy survey that he is insistant that I fill out and return so that I can help shape the Congressional Agenda.
It's chockablock with bold words and all caps: LEGISLATIVE PRIORITIES SURVEY, SURVEY DOCUMENT, TENS OF THOUSADS OF DOLLARS, VALUABLE, IMPORTANT, COMPLETE, RETURN. And, tucked in there not once, not twice, but three times, I am assured that my contribution of $500, $250, $200, $100, $75 $50, or even $25 will help the Republicans build a "rock solid foundation of grass roots support for President Bush's Second-Term Agenda" (his caps, not mine).
My favorite quote:
Americans believe in President Bush's and the Republican Party's vision to secure a safer, stronger, feer and more prosperous future for America. They also expect that vision to be translated in action.
I guess those who don't believe are? Aliens? Canadians?
And, never let it be said that our esteemed Senator for Tennessee isn't all about the consensus building. Why heck, he even mentions the Democrats in the letter. Several times:
As Senate Majority Leader I expect the Senate Democrats to obstruct and delay us at every turn and I know groups like MoveOn.org will distort and attack our agenda. And it is my responsibility to protect and strengthen our Republican Senate Majority.
As Senate Majority Leader I will make sure we use your valuable insights to help shape our Agenda and produce the groundswell of grassroots support necessary to overcome a Democratic filibuster.
Our strategy to oversome the Democrats' filibuster in the Senate depends on local grassroots support. So returning your completed survey along with your most generous contribution is critical. Every dollar counts.
The best way to overcome a Democrat (sic) filibuster is to show widespread grassroots support for the issue or nominee.
(bold original to the letter...it's evidently the most important point)
And that's not all, but you get the jist. What I especially love, though, more than anything in the letter, is the complete and utter lack of basic high school grammatical skills. Do you see the sentence fragments? How about the run-on sentences? He's the Senate fricking Majority Leader, as he tells me many times, and he has no one to edit him? He went to uber-schools and has numerous degrees and he can't even write a stinking sentence? Democrat filibuster...uh, the hell? What is that?
Saddest of all is that I'm getting this because I probably signed up for something when he was running for office. Clearly he never wrote me any letters back in the day, eh?
It's chockablock with bold words and all caps: LEGISLATIVE PRIORITIES SURVEY, SURVEY DOCUMENT, TENS OF THOUSADS OF DOLLARS, VALUABLE, IMPORTANT, COMPLETE, RETURN. And, tucked in there not once, not twice, but three times, I am assured that my contribution of $500, $250, $200, $100, $75 $50, or even $25 will help the Republicans build a "rock solid foundation of grass roots support for President Bush's Second-Term Agenda" (his caps, not mine).
My favorite quote:
Americans believe in President Bush's and the Republican Party's vision to secure a safer, stronger, feer and more prosperous future for America. They also expect that vision to be translated in action.
I guess those who don't believe are? Aliens? Canadians?
And, never let it be said that our esteemed Senator for Tennessee isn't all about the consensus building. Why heck, he even mentions the Democrats in the letter. Several times:
As Senate Majority Leader I expect the Senate Democrats to obstruct and delay us at every turn and I know groups like MoveOn.org will distort and attack our agenda. And it is my responsibility to protect and strengthen our Republican Senate Majority.
As Senate Majority Leader I will make sure we use your valuable insights to help shape our Agenda and produce the groundswell of grassroots support necessary to overcome a Democratic filibuster.
Our strategy to oversome the Democrats' filibuster in the Senate depends on local grassroots support. So returning your completed survey along with your most generous contribution is critical. Every dollar counts.
The best way to overcome a Democrat (sic) filibuster is to show widespread grassroots support for the issue or nominee.
(bold original to the letter...it's evidently the most important point)
And that's not all, but you get the jist. What I especially love, though, more than anything in the letter, is the complete and utter lack of basic high school grammatical skills. Do you see the sentence fragments? How about the run-on sentences? He's the Senate fricking Majority Leader, as he tells me many times, and he has no one to edit him? He went to uber-schools and has numerous degrees and he can't even write a stinking sentence? Democrat filibuster...uh, the hell? What is that?
Saddest of all is that I'm getting this because I probably signed up for something when he was running for office. Clearly he never wrote me any letters back in the day, eh?
posted by Kimmah | 4:05 PM
4 Comments:
Years ago, my father came up with a great way to deal with junk mail from political asshats he didn't care for: he would collect all the junk mail he got for days, pack it into the "Return Postage Paid" envelope from the asshat, and send it back. It was satisfying to him to cost them money (albeit only a little) rather than get money from him. And believe it or not, this actually helped get him off their mailing lists in a timely fashion, without ever having to request it.
Kim, you should totally do that. And I also read somewhere (maybe Gothmog said this too?) where someone would tape a bunch pennies into the envelope too - doesn't really cost much, but makes the envelope much heavier.
My dad does this with credit card offers. Loads them up with other junk mail or blank paper. He's such a rebel.
I received a letter from Senator Rick Santorum with similar grammar. I hope he's not the one responsible for home schooling his kids...
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